Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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