I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
