it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
