end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
