Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
