so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
