I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
