loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
