My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
