I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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