i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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