A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
