ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
