so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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