im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
