I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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