Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
