so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize