What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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