Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
