I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
