I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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