I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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