I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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