Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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