Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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