I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
