We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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