LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
