nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
