If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
