The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
