when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
