I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
