(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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