so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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