Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
