Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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