I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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