she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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