and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
