Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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