The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
