She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
