Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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