There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
