Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
