end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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