Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
