Pants 0. Shit 1.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
