You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
