he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
