guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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