she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
