My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
