he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool