fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed