Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie