jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
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Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."