it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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