Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
