I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
