His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
