Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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