she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
