my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
