Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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