thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
