I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
then he tried to convert me to islam
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
