If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This is my gift to your gina
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
