There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
