Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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