She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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