What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
