ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
