question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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