I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
