don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize